NEWSFLASH: I’M GIVING UP PORN.
So I’ve decided to give up internet pornography for a while. Indefintely. Maybe forever. We’ll see. I’ve been watching porn for almost 20 years now, and though I think it’s become a part of developing sexuality, I can’t really say how healthy it is for me.
The first time I saw a pornographic film was when I was about 8 in the Philippines. We heard my uncle and a few of his buddies congregate in the living room. My neighborhood friends and I were playing in the yard and one of them ran up and said, “you’ve gotta see this!” We snuck around onto the porch, which had windows that looked into the living room, and there I saw for the first time (white) bodies fornicating. I already had a basic knowledge of sex (this goes there and that happens), but until then, had never seen it in action. My uncle and his friends were hollering and cheering at the TV, as if they were watching a sports game.
Gay porn came later. I was about 18 or so, and not yet out of the closet. In fact, I thought I was still straight, or maybe bi-curious. I had downloaded several straight porn videos before (through Napster, or whatever downloading software was popular at the time), and curiosity got the best of me when I stumbled upon male-male porn. I began downloading those, entranced by this new show of intimacy I had never seen or experienced before.
These days, I find that I use porn as a time-filler, a distraction, and easy, quick satisfaction. I’ve developed patterns of thinking such that I reason with myself that I can please myself better than anyone can, but usually with the aid of porn. I’m coming (ha!) to a time in my life where I’m looking to shift paradigms, and change my relationships with people on a real level. I feel that cutting out porn from the equation will help give me more time for myself to share with others.
Recently, I decided to start developing a sexual practice that’s about play, exploration, and discussing boundaries, rather than trying to replicate the power dynamics and patterns I see in pornography. The narrative of porn, especially gay porn, is very specific: meet, foreplay, full intercourse, cumshot, the end. I’ve been finding that I don’t particularly enjoy this pattern in real life, so why continue to reinforce that?
I am also trying to decolonize my mind from the constant barrage of white male domination in pornography (and, hello, in real life). And if it’s not white male domination, it’s usually black male primitivism, latin body objectification or blatant Orientalism. As I’m trying to disengage from these patterns of gaze in real life, I feel it’s only in keeping with this that I should also give up pornography.
I’ve already begun unfollowing the porn Tumblrs I follow. I’m getting ready to block myself from the websites I frequent. Another step, which I’m preparing myself for, is deleting my digital porn collection, which I’ve amassed over the years. I’m gonna see if I can just avoid clicking on them, but if that proves to be too difficult, I may delete them entirely. Time will tell.
This short TED talk goes over some of the other reasons and benefits for giving up porn. Granted, it’s told through only one (heterosexual male) perspective, but it’s worth a watch.
The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow (by TEDxTalks)
This is how I connect with you, in hidden spaces
fucking in the hot musky fog
are only a few feet away, with a few minutes to spare
enough to put my cock in your mouth
We connect through coded glances
1, 2, 3 seconds, and you’ll let me buy you a drink now
And then and forever shall be
world without end
I connect with you over fantasies of other men.
measuring my worth against theirs
replacing you with another body
replacing me with another cock
another set of lips
another round and ready ass
We connect over things that should have been
But it’s always been
simply you and me
and other men
Leah Goren, 2011
Collection of 36” x 36” silk charmeuse scarves
Taking a break to congratulate my friend, Leah Goren, and her amazing thesis collection.
Check it out here, and make sure to visit her awesome Etsy store for more goodies.
Basically, “How to be Popular” for the new age.
The Internet: Nothing but a world-wide high school.
Amazing how much more productive i was without it, actually. I finished 2 art projects, and collected my work in portfolio form to present to a local venue. Apart from all that, I had time to party my face off, cook a couple of meals, and improve my Spanish. Woohoo!