To all my gay brethren, and my friends who wonder why I’m so obsessed about my own looks, this article goes to explain a few key points.
Here’s my own 2 cents, as I posted on a friend’s Facebook wall earlier:
If a “hot” body is not a currency, it’s at least a first glimpse make-or-breaker. This has been the one thing about gay culture that has upset me the most, that not just looks, but specifically media-constructed ideals of looks are front-and-center when trying to meet someone. It’s the only thing you know for certain at a distance, that they look good (according not to you, really, but the TV, movies, and internet porn). You don’t know for sure if they are nice, if they like to travel, if they are doing something productive or interesting with their lives. Instead, you see if they look good half-naked or not. To many gay men, this is enough.
The minority (of which I am a part), who look for more than simple eye-and-bed candy still have a difficult time meeting someone because the “look” factor always plays a part, at least initially. You may seek out to look for a “good” guy with good whole-person qualities, but at the end, they should still be “at least cute,” or fall in your personal “range of cuteness.” It’s ridiculous, but I find myself doing this all the time. It doesn’t matter how confident I am about my own place in life; in social matters of the gay culture, I still feel insecure.
This article, by writing down and making my own thoughts and doubts visible, is a a first step to moving away from the zeit-Gayst. It also signals that maybe dance clubs and bars aren’t the best place to meet decent gay men.